How to Take the First Step Toward Civility

We live in a time of deep mistrust—and yet a shared desire for something better. The first step toward civility isn’t silence or agreement. It’s a mindset shift: learning to see people as more than the one thing we disagree about.

The Paradox We’re Living In

According to polls, nearly 80% of partisans believe the opposing party poses a threat to the future of America.

That’s more than disagreement. That’s distrust.

And yet, more than 70% of Americans say civility is struggling—and they want to find common ground.

At first glance, this feels like a contradiction.

But perhaps it’s something deeper.

Perhaps we are living in a tension between two realities:

• A growing fear of one another

• And a growing weariness of that fear

We don’t just disagree—we’re exhausted by how we disagree.

When Incivility Becomes the “New Normal”

John Wood Jr. observed that sometimes the real challenge we face is our tendency to get used to things we should never get used to.

That insight helps explain where we are.

Outrage, dismissal, and dehumanization—especially online—have become so common that they begin to feel normal. The loudest, most extreme voices shape what we think is typical.

We can, and should, limit our exposure to that noise.

But if we’re honest, that alone won’t solve the problem.

Because the issue isn’t just what we’re hearing.
It’s how we’re seeing.

Civility Begins with a Different Way of Seeing

Civility is often misunderstood.

It doesn’t mean avoiding disagreement.
It doesn’t mean staying silent.
And it certainly doesn’t mean pretending to agree.

Instead, civility represents a deeper shift—a different way of seeing the people in front of us.

At its core, civility means recognizing the humanity in each person, even when we disagree with them strongly.

And that recognition is not automatic. It’s a practice.

The First Step: Practicing “Unbundling”

That’s where Alexandra Hudson’s idea of unbundling becomes so important.

Unbundling is the practice of resisting the urge to define someone by a single belief, label, or position.

Instead of seeing:

• “Republican” or “Democrat”

• “Pro-gun” or “Pro-choice”

We learn to see:

• A whole person

• A complex life

• An irreducible human being

Including the parts we disagree with—held in the context of the whole.

This is more than a communication technique.
It’s a posture of respect.

And, if we’re honest, it’s exactly how we hope others will see us.

Why This Shift Matters

When we begin to see people this way, something changes—not just in them, but in us.

We approach conversations differently.

And people feel that difference.

When people feel:

• Respected

• Seen

• Valued

Their defenses begin to lower. Their openness begins to grow.

Which is why one of the guiding principles of Braver Angels rings so true:

People listen best when they feel they have been listened to.

And more often than not, they return the favor.

From Tension to Possibility

This is where the tension we started with begins to resolve.

The same people who feel mistrust are also longing for something better.

Civility—practiced through unbundling and a renewed way of seeing—creates the conditions for that “something better” to emerge.

It doesn’t eliminate disagreement.

But it makes understanding possible.

And when understanding becomes possible:

• Mistrust can decrease

• Polarization can soften

• Cooperation can begin

Not in theory—but in real conversations, between real people.

An Invitation to Be Part of the Solution

If you find yourself tired of the incivility—and wanting to do something about it—this is your opportunity.

Join us on March 30, 2026 at 7:00 p.m.
at the University of Colorado Colorado Springs (Berger Hall)

Maury Giles, CEO of Braver Angels—the nation’s largest grassroots movement to depolarize America—will share the principles ofCourageous Citizenship: choosing connection over contempt across political differences.

He will be joined by Alexandra Hudson, bestselling author ofThe Soul of Civility, for a conversation about the growing civic renewal happening across the country.

Together, they will explore how we can rebuild the skills of civil dialogue—and why it matters now more than ever.

This isn’t just a talk.
It’s a chance to take a meaningful step forward.

It Starts With Me

At Reclaiming Civility, our goal is simple:

To equip people who are tired of the division with the tools to do something about it.

Because real change doesn’t begin at scale.

It begins with individuals.

One mindset shift.
One conversation.
One choice to see the person, not just the position.

We believe change happens one person at a time.

And it starts with me.
And with you.

If you’re ready to move beyond frustration and into action, join us on March 30—and begin practicing the skills that make civility possible.

Before you go, here are a few common questions that often come up when we talk about civility and disagreement:

What does civility actually look like in disagreement?

Civility doesn’t require you to hold back your convictions. It means choosing to engage in a way that respects the person across from you—even when you strongly disagree.

What does “unbundling” mean in practice?

Unbundling is the discipline of refusing to reduce someone to a single belief or label. It means seeing the whole person, not just the one position you disagree with.

Can civility really make a difference in today’s polarized environment?

It can. When people feel respected and heard, they become more open. That doesn’t guarantee agreement—but it makes understanding possible.

Isn’t civility just another way of saying “be nice”?

No. Civility isn’t about avoiding conflict. It’s about engaging in it with respect, clarity, and a recognition of shared humanity.