How Disagreement Makes Us Better: A Real “Team of Rivals” Story
Why Constructive Disagreement Makes Us Smarter
Disagreement is inevitable—but it doesn’t have to lead to division. When approached with curiosity, intellectual humility, and respect, constructive disagreement sharpens thinking, strengthens leadership, and creates better outcomes for society.
Disagreement Is Not the Problem
Disagreement is going to happen. Period. The question is not if, but when.
Alexandra Hudson, speaking recently at Civility in the City at the University of Colorado at Colorado Springs, explained that disagreement is not a bug but rather a feature of a democratic society.
That means disagreement is not only inevitable—it is intentionally woven into the system. America’s Founding Fathers understood that viewpoint diversity helps prevent a concentration of power and strengthens society through competing ideas and perspectives.
Counterintuitive as it may seem, we need disagreement to flourish.
Call it iron sharpening iron or viewpoint diversity, but the reality is this: respectful disagreement improves thinking. When we calmly and thoughtfully discuss different perspectives, ideas become refined, assumptions are tested, and stronger collaborative outcomes emerge.
How to Disagree Better
We are living in what Maury Giles of Braver Angels refers to as “a system engineered to provoke outrage.”
Because of this, Giles encourages people to make a foundational choice: step out of the outrage cycle and into curiosity.
That looks like asking open-ended questions such as:
“Tell me more about that.”
“How did you come to that conclusion?”
The goal is not persuasion first. The goal is understanding.
Curiosity activates parts of the brain associated with rational thinking, helping reduce emotional reactivity. When we genuinely attempt to understand another person’s perspective—and view it in its strongest form—we think more clearly and engage more productively.
This principle is not new. Abraham Lincoln seemed to understand it intuitively.
Abraham Lincoln and the “Team of Rivals” Leadership Model
According to Doris Kearns Goodwin in Team of Rivals: The Political Genius of Abraham Lincoln, Lincoln once remarked:
“Do I not destroy my enemies when I make them my friends?”
Lincoln became known for his ability to form relationships with people who opposed him politically. Rather than isolating dissenting voices, he invited them into the conversation.
Goodwin writes that Lincoln’s willingness “to repair injured feelings that, left untended, might have escalated into permanent hostility” helped him build a true team of rivals.
That leadership philosophy still matters today.
A Modern “Team of Rivals” Story
Fast forward to the 2023 mayoral election in Colorado Springs, Colorado.
Yemi Mobolade, an independent and the city’s first elected Black mayor, defeated Republican Wayne Williams by 15 points in the runoff election.
Then something unexpected happened.
Williams attended the mayor’s watch party, shook Mobolade’s hand, looked him in the eye, and congratulated him personally.
That simple act of civility became the beginning of a relationship rooted in mutual respect and collaboration across political differences. Eventually, Williams was appointed as the mayor’s Chief of Staff.
Mayor Mobolade later explained:
“Even after a hard-fought election, I believed leadership means building bridges, not drawing lines.”
It is a modern-day example of a “team of rivals” approach in action.
The Leadership Skill That Makes It Possible
The key leadership skill behind constructive disagreement is intellectual humility.
Intellectual humility is the recognition that none of us sees the full picture. We all have blind spots. Others may notice angles we miss.
When we engage in honest, respectful dialogue, we expand our understanding and improve decision-making.
Disagreement itself is not the danger.
The danger is losing the ability to disagree well.
When we choose curiosity over outrage, humility over certainty, and respect over hostility, disagreement becomes productive rather than destructive.
The result?
Clearer thinking
Better decisions
Stronger leadership
Greater societal flourishing
That seems well worth the effort.
Disagreement is inevitable. Division is not.
Abraham Lincoln demonstrated the power of engaging rivals with humility and respect. Mayor Yemi Mobolade’s leadership offers a modern example of the same principle.
Constructive disagreement does not weaken society—it strengthens it.
If we are willing to listen carefully, ask better questions, and remain intellectually humble, disagreement can become one of our greatest tools for growth.
If constructive disagreement, intellectual humility, and bridge-building leadership are skills you want to develop more intentionally, we’d love to invite you to join the interest list for our upcoming workshop.
We’ll explore practical ways to navigate difficult conversations, foster healthier dialogue, and lead with curiosity and respect in an increasingly polarized world.
